Sweet Escape

How does it feel to be lonely? Do even know what that is? 

Do you ever feel a void grow inside of you? It's like you have everyone you need in your life but none of whom you actually want.

And the strange part is - I don't even know who I want! Not someone in particular,I mean.

I have a hypothetical someone in my mind who seems to be perfect for me. Someone who knows how I think. Someone who knows the way I breath. Someone who notices my eyelashes flutter. Someone who feels the same about LOVE as I do.All I  have ever wished for is to have somebody want me. Someone whose heart races at the thought of touching me and calms when they do. But that's just it - a hypothetical someone.

And I guess it isn't even about the person anymore. It is about the satisfaction you get when they say -"I understand". It is so much more than just sexual need. It is about the depth of the emotional connection between two sapiens.

They are my hot-chocolate-on-a-rainy-day feeling.

But it is all just in my mind.

As each day passes,I feel the nothingness creeping into the void and settling a camp there. It feeds on my darkest insecurities. It revels in my uncertainties. But it suffocates under my smile. It chokes when I let go. It gets slaughtered by my optimism. It fades when I live.

The void diminishes when you stop expecting. When you stop searching for reassurance in every iris; when you stop digging for the golden heart; when you stop needing warmer texts; when you stop wanting a pearl from every oyster; when you stop wishing for every star to explode in a supernova - THAT is when the void is replaced by happiness.

But we never really stop expecting, do we?